How I learned to successfully date online and in real life…


My name is John Payne. This page tells you a bit about me and how I learned to date women successfully.

As I said on the front page, I was born in Britain but left when I was 23 to move to Germany. At the time, I only expected to be in Germany for a couple of years – a couple of decades later and Germany is now my home.

In my mid-twenties, I was a short, nerdy, shy guy lacking the skills to be comfortable striking up a casual conversation. I found it difficult to approach women – especially ones that I found attractive. I would blush or hide in a corner somewhere.

In short: dating was hell.

I had no idea how to go about it. No idea what I was doing wrong … or even that I could be doing something wrong.

In my mid-thirties, I felt it was just my lot in life to be single. This was the life that fate had given me. Finding a woman to love, marry, and spend the rest of my life with, was just not going to happen. It was up to me to make the most of it.

Was I willing to let fate decide my future happiness…?

One wet and windy autumn day, I was lying on the couch feeling sorry for myself when I realised that there was no other part of my life where I was willing let fate alone decide my life.

  • Was I willing to accept I was not achieving my career goals? No, of course not. I found out what the problem was and improved my skills or changed my job if I needed to.
  • Was I willing to accept that I was not able to do the sports and hobbies that I wanted? No, of course not. I found the time, put the effort in, and had fun doing what I wanted to do.
  • It was the same with every other part of my life that I considered to be important.

So why was I willing to accept that I should leave such an important part of my life up to the fates?

Well put like that, it just seemed ridiculous. I clearly just needed to put the effort in and learn how to be better at dating …

So that is what I did.

I set myself a goal: I wanted to date three separate women within one week.

This was a crazy, stupid goal. It is definitely not one that I would normally recommend to anyone today. But I had convinced myself, that if I could get three dates in one week, then I would have mastered the art of dating.

Crazy dumb as my goal was, it got me motivated. It got me out there.

To be successful at dating, you only need two skills…

After doing a lot of work I eventually realised that to be successful at dating you only need two skils:

  1. To be comfortable speaking to people that you don’t know
  2. To know how to market yourself
And both of these are skills that anyone can learn with a little guidance and practice

So I got to work.

As I improved my skills, I started getting responces to my messages. Sometimes women would even contact me, based on the content of my online dating profile. (The woman I later married contacted me first based on my online profile. It does happen…)

With more time and effort, I went on more and more dates. Some of the first dates were terrible. Most of the later dates were a lot of fun with interesting people.

That three dates in one week target remained elusive though. Then one magical week, I went on dates with seven different women in eight days. (OK. Just over a week.) I’d never do it again. I was exhausted!

OK. That was it. I was confident that I had mastered the art of Dating!

Now it was time to get really serious about finding a pernament partner.

As I let on above, I did get married. Unfortunately that marriage failed for a number of reasons which I won’t bore you with here.

However, skills learned are not fogotten. Using the skills I learnt earlier in my life, I found someone new and I have been in a long-term relationship with someone else ever since.

So that’s my story.

I would love to hear your story. Please feel free to contact me using the contact form and tell me what your story has been so far…


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