You have now put yourself in the driving seat and are taking charge of your love life. The first question that you need to ask yourself is: “What kind of a woman do I want to date?”
I do not mean specific names. If you want to date Cindy who lives three blocks down the road, then walk three blocks down the road, knock on Cindy’s door and ask her out on a date.
No, what I mean is, can you name the most important factors which make a woman desirable to you?
I am constantly amazed by the number of people that I talk to about finding a date who have not thought about what characteristics their future date should have. I often get answers such as:
“Well, just about anyone I suppose.”
“I don’t know. The chemistry must be right.”
If you do not know what you are looking for, how do you expect to find it? This is probably the most important factor in successful dating. Invest some time and thought right now about what your ideal date would be like. The more accurate that you can be about this, the less time you will waste later on dates with women that you do not want.
Are looks important? If yes, then which factors make a woman attractive to you? Hair color, Eye color, weight, fitness level, height, body build, freckles, dimples, hair length, etc.
Be honest with yourself here. If you say hair color is unimportant, but in practice you would only ever find a woman with blond hair attractive, then do yourself and your future dates a favor and say “It is important to me that she has blond hair.” If you really are unsure about what you find attractive in a woman, I have a couple of exercises later which will help you to become more specific.
|I remember once being upset that a woman that I was interested in would not consider me as a date because we were both about the same height. As it happens, I quite like to have my women be about my height. I like to be able to look directly into my woman’s eyes when we are walking and talking or kissing.
She preferred to have men who were at least 8” taller than she was. This was because she liked to wear high heeled shoes and she still wanted to be able to look up to her man when she was wearing them.
At the time, I thought that she was being immature. Now I realize that she was acting more maturely than I was. It was important to her and she stuck to what was important to her rather than trying to make something work which she knew she would never be happy with. In the long run, that saved us both a lot of grief.
Her choice of wanting a man to be taller was at least as important to her as my preference to have women who are about the same height as I am. It was better for both me and her that we did not waste precious time on a date which was never going to work.
Some other factors that you might want to consider besides looks might include:
- Are you looking for an affair or for a long term relationship?
- What age range are you willing to consider?
- Can you both talk about topics which are important to each of you?
- Is it OK if she smokes?
- Which level of education would be ideal?
- Is it important to you that she shares the same religion or religious values?
- Which values do you have which she would need to share?
- Sense of humor
- Political views
- Hobbies and interests
- Would you want to have children together in the long term?
- How much time and space would you be willing to share with your date in the long term?
- Would you prefer to be with someone who is similar to you or complementary to you?
- Is it important that she has her own income?
Make some notes of the things which are important to you, preferably in a notebook or on your mobile phone where you can find them later. This information will be useful later when you come to write your online dating profile.
As you start to go out on dates and spend more time meeting women, then you may need to revise your views on what is important to you. Do not hesitate to update your views about what is important later on in the process.
The theory behind this is called niche marketing. The info gained here will be used later to make sure you put your dating efforts into those women that you most want to date.
Research into Marketing has shown consistently that advertising aimed at everyone does not work well. A product aimed at everyone often becomes a product for no-one.
Instead advertisers aim their products directly at people in specific market segments or niches. This allows them to create an advertising message that speaks directly to the needs of the people in that niche. Because the advertising addresses the needs and concerns of the members of that market niche better than other advertisers, the people in the niche identify more strongly with the advert. They are far more likely to read the advert and respond to it.
This has a dual benefit. The company doing the marketing spends less money because they only need to reach the people who are in their niche. Secondly, there is a higher response rate because the product is understood to better meet the needs of the people in that niche.