Or, How I Went From Being Unable to Get a Date to a Being a Successful Seducer
So why do I believe that I can help you to find the dates that you would like to have?
That is a very good question and one that I hope that my story below will answer. My story tells you how I moved from being unable to get a date at all to being able to get dates with the type of women that I wanted to date with relative ease.
To fill in my background, I was an awkward teenager with few social skills. I was more at home with my nose in a book or playing “Dungeons and Dragons” than I was hanging out with the cool kids at school.
I worked for a few years and then I moved to Germany. I had a strong desire to go and experience a different culture and a holiday would not do it. I originally expected to be back in a couple of years but I ended up staying in Germany permanently.
Do you think that going to live and work in a country where you do not speak the language improves your chances of getting a date? Surprise, surprise, no it doesn’t.
I did have a few short relationships with either ex-pats or locals but they did not really go anywhere until I met the mother of my daughter by chance in a disco one evening. As luck would have it, I was just about to start on a seven week round the world trip the next day. I left early but came back into the disco to press a card with my telephone number into the ladies hand and tell her that I would be gone for the next seven weeks. But, if she felt like calling me after that, then I would be pleased to hear from her. About a week after I returned she called me.
That started in an on-off affair that culminated in the birth of my daughter and us living together for six years. While I cared for her deeply, it was quite clear that we were not a good match for each other and eventually we broke up.
Now I Was In My Late 30’s and Early 40’s, I Am Single and Did Not Believe I Would Ever Find a Life-Partner
My story really begins after the mother of my daughter and I had been separated for about two years. I had had a tough time getting myself back onto my feet, but now things were running smoothly. My daughter was used to spending weekends and Wednesday evenings with me and the rest of the time with her mother. I had just completed a two year excursion into the marketing sector and had returned back into the IT arena where I had worked previously.
Since I now felt comfortably settled, it seemed like the perfect time to pick up on my love life – which had grown somewhat stale over the past few years.
I was in my late thirties and honestly thought that it was unlikely that I would find a date, let alone a partner. It was my belief that men my age did not get dates any more. Where would I even meet anyone who was single and interested in someone like me?
When I look back now at how little hope I had for finding a new partner, I just laugh. It turned out that I was going to end up having the time of my life.
At first, things did not go well. I went to a dating agency where I was set up with three dates. After which, it was made clear that they would not be fixing me up with any more reasonable candidates and none of the ones so far had been a close match for me.
I had tried the personal ads in my youth and had no success. A quick look at them at the time showed that personal ads were pretty much a thing of the past.
Knowing myself to have no hope of picking someone up in a bar I needed to look at different methods. Internet dating seemed like the perfect choice.
At first I looked at a few dating websites. I tried to estimate how many women were actively using the website and lived close to me. It was difficult, but with the help of a couple of comparison websites I was able to get a feel for what would suit me best.
Then I joined the most favorable looking website and put up a profile … and I got absolutely nowhere.
Even today I can remember clearly how disheartened that I was. My general feeling, that I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life, had been completely vindicated. I had tried everything and gotten nowhere.
It took me a little while to dig myself out of my sump. After a couple of weeks I decided that I had had enough of feeling sorry for myself. It was time for a change. As I said to myself at the time, “This is ridiculous. There is no other important part of my life where I would just let fate or chance decide my life. I decided about my career. I decided about the house that I built. I decide who my friends are. Why should I suddenly be prepared to let chance decide who my life partner would be and when I should meet them?”
With that realization, I found new energy and got started on the process of finding myself a life-partner.
Since I am a fairly geeky sort of a guy, I did what any geek would do. I ordered a whole bunch of books about how to date successfully. Believe me, there is an awful lot of rubbish written about how to date successfully. Some books were just so obviously rubbish that I didn’t even finish them. Some books however turned out to have some real gems in them. Gradually I tried different bits and pieces out. I found out what worked for me and what didn’t.
Then, as I was reflecting on the coach one pleasant evening I suddenly had a realization about the tips which had helped me in dating. They all fell into one of two categories:
- They were based on proven marketing techniques
- They were aimed at making you feel more comfortable in speaking to strangers
Wow. This was enlightenment.
It suddenly all made sense.
Of course the proven marketing techniques that businesses used worked in dating as well. Various companies have spent literally billions and billions of dollars making sure that marketing techniques work as well as they can do. And of course, anything that makes you more comfortable about speaking to strangers is going to make that all important first date go well.
I was flabbergasted. I knew how to create a marketing plan. I knew marketing techniques. Now that I knew what I was looking for, it became a relatively simple matter to see how these can be adapted to finding the person that you want to take to bed or share the rest of your life with.
From there on in, things improved tremendously. I changed my profile. I changed the way that I dated. Suddenly I was getting the dates that I wanted. I set myself clear goals and soon reached them. One in particular I remember especially. To prove to myself that I had mastered dating I had set myself the goal of having three dates with different women in one week. For a long time it looked as if fate was against me. From one week to the next a potential candidate would cancel on that specific day, or I would be involved in a short affair, or something. Then one week it suddenly all came together. I eight days I had dates with six different women. Believe me; I would never do that again. At the end of it, I was exhausted! Still, it paid off. I was together with one of the women that I had met for a while.
Once that affaire ended I rethought my strategy again. Now that I was confident that I could find a date or a girlfriend when I wanted, I started to be far more careful about just who I was dating. I had sown my oats and was looking for a wife. By applying marketing techniques a little more carefully than before, I soon found that I was having slightly less dates, but almost every one of them was a serious candidate who I could imagine myself living with permanently. Wow. Most men consider themselves lucky to meet three or four potential wives in a lifetime.
I noticed then that a strange thing started to happen. Knowing that I could easily get a partner who fitted to me well, I started to become even more selective about my partners. The kind of 70-80% fit that many successful marriages are made of was just not good enough for me anymore. I was looking for something really special. By then, I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before I found it. Eventually, she came knocking on my door. It was shortly before Christmas and my current partner and I had decided that we were not going to make it after all. Rather than try and make something work which we would both be unhappy about, we had decided to split up.
I thought, “OK, I will just get things rolling again so that in the New Year I would be ready to start looking seriously again. And then this beautiful woman wrote me an email which made me smile. I really appreciated her sense of humour. We had our first date on the third of January and I knew straight away that I had found someone special. We had our second date on the fourth of January (she asked me out to meet her friends after a concert) and things just moved on from there. Three years later we had fitted our families together, were living in the same house and are happily married.
The other pages on this website are dedicated to explaining how to make the proven marketing techniques that big business use to work for you. There are also some tools to use which can help you become more comfortable with speaking to strangers (and on a first date, your companion is a stranger). Finally, there are some common sense tips to make sure that those dates go well.
Use what you need. I wish you every success on your way to finding the woman / women of your dreams. Please give me a feedback to let me know what works for you or any changes that you needed to make to get things working for you. I am sure that other readers will find your experience useful.