One of the basic “rules” of chasing women (dating!) is that it is your job to chase her and it is her job to say “yes” or “no”.
So how do we make this work for us?
First of all we need to recognize that it is down to us men to make the first move and set the pace while chasing women. And there will be lots of “first moves”…
- Making the first contact
- Starting the first conversation
- Asking her out for a date
- Initiating the first kiss
- The first time that you want to have sex (and probably, almost every time after that as well…)
Is this Fair?
Well, yes and no.
Of course it would be great if more women asked men out. It can be painful to build up the courage to ask someone out and then be turned down (gently or otherwise). It would be fantastic if more women would be prepared to share the risk of being turned down. There are at least some brave women who are prepared to write an email to a man who is on a dating site. Even rarer (but it still happens occasionally), some women will flirt with a man if they are interested in him. If that happens to you, then make the most of it. Be grateful that a woman cared enough to make their interest in you known and either take them up or let them down politely.
On the other hand, being the one to start everything means that you get to decide who you want to date, start a kiss when you are ready, start looking for sex when you want it. There is a lot of freedom for us men here that women simply don’t have. Women generally are limited to the men who ask them out. Then they have to make a choice and live with the results…
Finally, chasing women is (or should be) fun! We also get to do it on our terms and according to our schedule. What could be better than that?
Important: Do Not Take Her “No” Personally
Imagine for a moment that the roles are reversed and the following happens:
You are sitting down in a coffee shop, minding your own business and sipping your coffee while you were finishing off some reports that you needed urgently for work. You are behind schedule and feeling a little rushed. Then, while you are trying to get your work done, a woman walks over and asks if she can join you.
Now let us stop there for a moment and look at a second scenario:
You have an hour to kill between appointments and have decided to go down to the local coffee shop to relax. While you are sipping your coffee and reading a book on your phone the same woman walks over and asks if she can join you.
How would you react in each of these scenarios?
In the first scenario, it is highly likely that you would just brush her off. It is possible that you would not even look at her properly before you did so because you were so concentrated the work that you needed to finish.
In the second scenario, it is highly likely that you would invite her to sit down and be happy to spend the time chatting.
The point that I want to make is that this happens with women as well. They do not spend all their time all day waiting for us men to make a pass at them. They have other things that they want to do. They have other priorities, such as work, friends, hobbies, (and shopping!) as well as finding a man. They have good days and bad days. This is also true of women sitting alone in bars or hotels and with active profiles on dating websites!
So, when you are chasing women, remember: if you make a move on a woman and she says “no”, then it is far more realistic (and helpful) to view her no as “Oh, she is too busy today”, or “She must have had a bad day” than to take it as a personal rejection. There are enough other women out there who are having a good day and would be open to meeting you today. So you just need to move on and flirt with someone else who you would be interested in getting to know better…